it's close to home, it's roomy, it has comfortable couches, it is called The Fifth, and its sign has flashing lights.
at the end of our visit, matt went to close out his tab. at the end of one couch perpendicular to the one i was on, there sat a man. a creepy, creepy man. he was a bit older, had greasy tight curls on his head, and i believe he was wearing glasses. think doug from flight of the conchords, but grosser and creepier [i like doug].
anyway. matt stepped up, and i was sitting there by myself and i happened to glance over at this man. i'm not sure if i heard him say something and i looked over or if i just happened to make eye contact with him, but somehow he got my attention. he put his hands around his mouth and said something. i had no idea what he said. so i got up [why?] and asked him what he had said.
"can i buy you a car?"
"excuse me?"
"can i buy you a car?"
"haha, yeah that'd be nice. i could really use a car."
:stares and says nothing: then, "what?"
"what?"
"can i buy you a car?"
"uhh, no thanks."
he said some other things [i think?] and then stuck his hand out. imagining him as a sad old man rather than a registered sex offender, i shook his hand. he didn't let go. he held onto it, his chubby sweaty hands making me want to vom, kissed it, then tried to put his hand on my face. i proceeded to pull away, managed some sort of smile, promptly turned around and bent over next to baxter and her friend who was showing her something on his cell phone. aware that this man was now probably staring at my ass, i whispered, "just let me pretend i'm interested in what you're looking at." they picked up on what was going on and engaged me in conversation. matt soon showed back up, we left, and he couldn't believe what had happened. a lot can happen in 2 minutes.
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